Revisionist Poetry – As I read this, v.5 – (intimate mood)

I’m down — I keep them close:
my favorite pessimists, bedside friends,
Kurt’s sharp laugh, Rod’s exposed heart.
I study their habits to learn how not to break.

love of others,
love of self:
I admit I confuse the two,
give away my warmth and keep the ache,
each misdirected like a misaddressed letter.

I’m up sometimes,
not by bravado but by accident,
lifted only to the wish
of clouds — thin, honest, undecided.