Welcome to the continuing observations that follow the discussions sessions between myself and my mentor, Berel M. Weiner for our book project tentatively called: “The Ladder of Awareness: The Process of Being Your Truth.”
These are my thoughts and feelings following each session and have already begun to change with each new week of discussion. Some of my notes are raw and vulnerable, which is valuable to the method. I ask you to be patient with your comments as the process will reveal itself in the end. Your feedback is very welcome and we encourage you to write them from a place of feelings, instead of thoughts.
Day 6 – May 18th, 2017
1 – The reworking of my email signature statement: a draft in progress.
“Success comes from a passion for exploring curiosity and a willful optimism for changing the world. Whenever I meet people who share these traits with me, it fuels my desire to inspire others. I write about the journey of success to give the world hope. Let me write about yours.”
What does this all mean?
It’s possible I’m still trying to be too clever with my words and not wanting to tie down the meaning of what I’m trying to say. I have a gut feeling the truth is still out there and it’s even better than I imagined.
I feel strongly that successful people all exhibit passion in what they do and this passion is motivated by a clearly defined purpose. This purpose encompasses their ‘big hairy audacious goal’. For the successful people I have in mind, these goals are voiced in their vision statements as world changing, humanity enriching, and earth benefiting goals. The visions are filled with a sense of optimism and inspire me to emulate the will of the visionaries.
I have come to realize how much I am passionate about the process & mindset of growth, even more than the achievement of the goals. How and why someone gets to the end product has become a gleeful enticement for me to ask the question: “what’s next?” I’m literally in awe of how successful people always reach further and higher. Accomplishment is only a rung in the ladder of their lives. These people inspire us all with possibility and hope. The more I read about them, the more like-minded people I attract into my life.
Because of this, I believe success attracts those who aspire to success.
Because of this, I want to share every journey of success I can.
Because of this, I am a Successographer!
2 – Part of the method: 3rd person focus: Getting out of ourselves and becoming our own character witness.
I’m a bowl (white wolf)
A bowl is a vessel that serves a purpose. It can be filled to hold safe something of value; it can be used as a tool to serve others something of value. I feel great joy in comparing myself to a bowl, as I see them.
The J.O.B. (black wolf – why do I resist it?)
In my experience to date, a job has been an end to the means of generating income and following someone else’s goals and dreams. I tried to internalize their dreams and my true self always rebelled. I tried to see it as a vehicle to achieve my own dreams, but hadn’t disciplined myself to create the long term goal, and became resentful for having to do the job, always going back to the gut feeling of it wasn’t for me. I took chances and gave up quickly after being rebuffed. I decided to increase my receptiveness to coaching and ended up still resenting the fact that it wasn’t my purpose I was serving. Maybe it wasn’t the job I was resisting. Maybe it was the challenge and effort required in pursuing my own dreams. Maybe it was the leap of faith required in believing in myself.
Hmmm… so, if NOT believing in myself feeds the black wolf, them believing in myself will stop feeding it. I choose to believe in myself and follow my dreams. I choose to set my intention to the universe and follow my purpose, whatever that may be. I choose to feed the white wolf, instead.
3 – RE: J.O.B.: What if there is an opportunity to have a job? How do I handle it?
Why don’t I ask for more at the start? Why haven’t I set my expectations and requests in respect of my value?
It’s because I was attached to the outcome and hadn’t taken the leap of faith that not getting the job only means the universe has something better in store for me.
So, going in with a desire to feed my white wolf would look like telling them how I see myself, what I believe I can bring to the job, and expressing clearly what I want to get out of it.
Is this oversimplified or is this truth?
It’s truth in the sense that I have been attached to the outcome of the meeting. ie: getting the job. As I look back I remember that many of the jobs I didn’t get are the ones I didn’t want anyway. I was settling and acting from a place of lack, not abundance.
So, how do I change this?
The next time an opportunity comes up, look at it from the perspective of all I can offer to the job, and be honest with myself about not considering it as what they can give me.
To answer the actual question, I haven’t asked for more, because I already felt I was in a position of lack. When I believe I have an abundance to offer, I also have an abundance to receive. I’m in the universal flow of abundance, so why be a dam, then I can just be in the flow?
4 – RE: resisting conflict: “I’m not clear enough.”
*Is this regret and/or self-judgement?
This is clearly outside-in thinking. I’m projecting my self-criticism into the minds of others. They are not thinking what I’m projecting. I’m attached to being right and not the process of learning from the reaction to what I’ve said.
*Why do I hate compromise?
Wow, I see it so differently now. I see compromise as a challenge to my desire to be right. I was so attached to the outcome, I couldn’t embrace the potential for learning and growing. I often say there is always another way to others, and I hadn’t been saying it to myself. Hmmm.
*Do I feel shame for my beliefs?
My gut shouted “No”. I have devalued my beliefs in the past and probably will again, in moments of doubt. I feel strong in my convictions and my external beliefs. I’m open to being challenged and to get a better perspective on them as well. For my self-directed beliefs, specifically my self-confidence, I remind myself that my life has unfolded so far as it has. That’s a fact. No judgment will change the fact, so why add the thought of shame to a fact that has no feelings?
Realization: I’m not recognizing and using the reactions to my statements to learn and move forward.
Just breathe, Mario. Being aware is an ongoing process. You are an infinite being, so the possibility of new awareness must also be infinite. That takes the time it will take. There’s no point in worrying about it.
5 – Realization: (Truth statement?): “I’m not being clear with myself first”.
Remedy: Give myself the gift of breathing before answering.
New habit statement: The gift of a breath clarifies my thoughts.
Even better, a mantra to myself: “Just Breathe, my friend, just breath.”
6- Am I lazy?
I think I have had moments of great laziness. Either out of an imagined fear or just giving in to tiredness. I believe it’s a state of mind. I know when I’m lazy, I’m not happy with myself. I’m more and more aware of this feeling and being it less and less.
Why do I let others decide for me?
I have been a pleaser for others for so long, it has been an easy habit to default to. I am now more aware of how unhappy I feel when I choose not to consider my feelings first. I am also realizing how little this is a black and white behavior. I can consider my own feelings, the feelings of others, and then choose a path of action. It really takes no time and much less energy than feeling regret afterward.
Why do I lack self-confidence?
This is a funny question, now. I feel that the label I call “lack of confidence” is situational; not a permanent state of being. I am more aware now of when I’m choosing to be from lack of self-confidence. I just had an a-ha moment. When I feel a ‘lack’ of self-confidence is also when I’m looking for others to fill my perception of lack. Instead of attracting what I really want, which is confidence, I’m attracting the lack of confidence.
Bloody hell! this Law of Attraction thing is everywhere!
Can I know everything now?
Not a chance! And you know what? I love how that makes me feel! In a word: “Possible” I love this word!
Why do I want to know everything now?
This is an ego thing. It makes me smile to admit it. I want the power of being omniscient. It sounds like fun knowing everything, but it also gives me a sense of sadness. there’s no “what’s next?”
7 – Realization: The bowl is never full. How does this feel?
The idea that there’s always room for more, feels like there is an endless possibility. Endless possibility feels like there’s always a way to succeed, there’s always a silver lining, there’s always a bright side of life.
It also means the bowl always has something in it; it’s never empty.
I am a work in progress, AND I have an awesome foundation already!
8 – Will I have to explore everything?
Of course not. I can let my imagination explore it too.
How does this thought make me feel?
It gives me a release of stress from the fear that I’m burning time and won’t be able to do everything I want to do. The truth is that what i want to do changes so fast, that I’m really ok with not doing it all. Things will happen when they are supposed to, or not at all.
Very recently, I discovered that I want to see places and experience things that no one I know has seen or experienced. The amazing part is that more and more of these possibilities show up daily and I’m reconsidering my vision board with them. For the first time in my memory, I want to see these places for me. I still want to share the experience with others, but I’m feeling ok about doing them on my own. It doesn’t have any other meaning to it. I feel more ok with just being me.
Revised thought: I believe I explore the endless possibilities of the universe exactly when and how I am intended to.
Now this feels great!!
9 – Consider this statement: “I have squandered my time”.
Why does this question feel bad in my gut?
I believe the reason it feels bad is that I’m resisting reality. I didn’t waste the time. It has the past and has been spent. There is no need to pass judgment on it, as judgment won’t change a thing, except possibly demotivating me. That feels crappy so I won’t do that.
Why did my inner voice shout back: “So what! Now what?”
I love this question. It really gives me the forgiveness for past decisions and motivates me to look at the results of those decisions as stepping stones to move forward.
Why do I feel the need to deny that I’ve squandered time?
Accepting that I was stupid and made bad decisions is a judgment on the decision. It stopped me from looking at the results. So, Why is it easier to give up? I don’t know. There’s no reward in it, other than affirming a bad feeling and accepting a judgment of regret. So, Why do I feel regret?
Hmmm…. Another aha moment.
It’s not the regret at what I haven’t done; it’s the shame for not deciding to take a new action, the shame at not choosing to learn from the results. Yuck, this feels bad.
Why is it painful?
Feels like I’m being irresponsible and I judge myself as not a good provider/contributor. I’m not giving forward. I’m not grateful for what I have. I’m hoarding it, selfishly. I’m much happier when I’m being generous.
Whatever I learn is being part of the universal flow of energy. When I’m a dam, stopping the flow, I don’t pass the energy on. No-one else can grow either. Maybe the pain is backed-up energy needing to be released.
WhenI’m sharing what I know, I’m in a state of happiness. It feels good. So, learning from my decisions, my experiences, and sharing it is being part of the flow.
What is my responsibility?
Being what others want me to be. FALSE!
Why did my soul scream: “Fuck That!”?
Because, It’s being the best me I can be, and sharing that me with the world.
Value statement: “I must be what I want to be because that is the only gift I can give the world.”
Explain: I used to have this quote written on a paper taped to my office wall that motivated me to find my purpose. I can’t remember it exactly, but it states that our only responsibility to humanity is to be the best we can be. By being the best me I can be, my gifts will be shared with the world.
Re-word: I am committed to always improving and being the best Me I can be. This is the only gift I give the world.
10 – Consider self-judgement: I am not valuable.
This is a cover for something deep inside.Why?
Because, it’s false. I am valuable in so many places in my life and the lives of others. I’m simply indulging in my pity pot, instead of acknowledging that I may have a need to be lazy for a moment.
Because it’s false. I am valuable in so many places in my life and the lives of others. I’m simply indulging in my pity pot, instead of acknowledging that I may have a need to be lazy for a moment.
What is it covering?
The acceptance of my inner-voice over the voices of others. Allowing myself to take a moment of contemplation at a challenge, no matter how small it is; a pause to consider the abundance of options the universe gives me in any situation, the moment to realize, with gratitude the gift of possibility.
Consider answer: “I don’t know what I’m meant to be.”
*Am I actively seeking it?
Yes, always and in every moment, always getting closer to it.
*Why does this evoke fear?
Because it’s a false answer. I am being what I’m meant to be. There is nothing else I am currently meant to be, otherwise, I would be that other thing. The fear is actually discomfort, caused by resisting the truth of reality.
11 – RE: J.O.B. & Why I dislike having one.
Consider the following statements:
a) I am allergic to working for others. Why?
It’s a week later and I’ve had lots of thoughts since writing this question, so I no longer feel it’s true. It’s just drama and doesn’t have any feeling left to it.
b) I have to tone down my enthusiasm and my desire to always improve. Why?
To clarify the statement, I don’t have to tone it down, but internalize it and use that energy to activate and complete the action. Then, when it’s done, I can show it with enthusiasm. At the start, the universe challenges our resolve at taking action and often puts well-meaning people in our path to add their own doubts to our vision. Remember, it’s their doubt, not yours. So just do it and show them when it’s done, then you can give them reasons to throw away their doubts, instead of taking their doubts from them and proving them right.
c) I hate being confined to a single definition, a title or pigeon-holed into a single task. Why?
It’s boring. Ok, I said it and I own it. It’s boring to be just one thing. I am curious about so many things and do so many things, I just can’t see the reason to limit myself. It is probably why I have always had a challenge defining myself when asked what I do. I do everything I want, seems to raise eyebrows. Come to think of it, that is a great elevator pitch, isn’t it?
12 – Climbing the ladder for the first time. Evaluate the levels.
Bottom: “I missed it! I missed the opportunities given to me. I hate this! I’m lost.”
1st rung: “I’m finding my way.”
2nd rung: Negative side: “I will stumble again.”
Positive side: “I’m moving forward.”
3rd rung: “I let go, giggle, and take a step forward. I am both the teacher and the learner.”
Top rung: “I am endlessly loving without expectation.”
Realization (a truth statement): I am my own teacher. I don’t need to rely on others to answer my questions.
Hmmmm… doesn’t feel right.
13 – Consider this train of thought:
*I like indulging in fantasy. Why?
Satisfying curiosity and validating my belief that anything is possible. It gives me good feelings, it brings me joy.
*I disapprove of this as it feels irresponsible. Why?
I no longer feel this is true. I daydream often and only feel bad about it when I choose to borrow the judgments of others. For me, it’s like refueling the tank. It’s meditative. It’s renewal.
*Creativity isn’t pragmatic. Why not?
This is not my voice making the statement. I don’t seek the approval of the many recognized experts I’ve studied who argue for the opposite of this statement, so why should I seek the approval of the one person who I know never studies it and is speaking entirely from their own regrets? I’m not repeating their regrets. Creativity is exceedingly pragmatic. It both challenges the status quo and solves those challenges. it is essential to growth!
*Why does the original statement evoke sadness?
Because it is all about a limiting belief, not a growth mindset. I choose to embrace the growth mindset and have empathy for those who can’t. Maybe by living it, I can inspire them as well.
*Why does original statement evoke a feeling of being lost?
Hmmm… Maybe not lost, but helpless. When we come across a wall, we can do several things: turn back, find a way past it to move forward, or stand there. There is no need to be helpless, we always have possibilities, even within each choice.
14 – Evaluate statement: “The Ladder elevates us out of doing and into being.”
It gives us the objective tools of self-awareness. This practice removes self-judgement which allows us to look at out feelings as they truly exist in our bodies, not our minds.
The skill of self-awareness allows us to step out of ourselves and see why we are doing what we are doing. The answers to the question of why reveal who we are, who we resist being, and who we want to be.
It takes us deep to the truths of who we are being and leads us to towards the best parts of who we are. This leads us to who we really are, which is who we really want to be, then build the habits and mindset to remaining true to ourselves: Being the best version of our true selves.
15 – Evaluate the meaning of being a successographer.
a) Why am I a successographer?
My answer as a ‘being’ statement: “I am inspired by the belief in endless possible paths to success and feel compelled to share my inspiration.”
b) “Sharing what’s important to my subjects.” Why?
Success shines the most in the stories of our passion and enthusiasm for what we do. This is what captures the interest of others and what influences them to believe in us.
c) Challenge: Find a word for ‘authentic’ that evokes my gut reaction.
After going through many dictionaries, I feel genuine feels the most… well, authentic.
Genuine is defined as “truly what something is said to be.” That applies equally to a person, especially, in the context of what I’m seeking from my clients, and in what The Ladder seeks to give its clients. For the Ladder, it guides you to be your genuine self and gives you the ultimate tool to describing yourself as you genuinely are.
NOTE: I realized I was losing some of the emotional discovery in not writing about each session right after it. To paraphrase my mentor, I’m ruminating instead of feeling and it feels less genuine. Stay tuned for next week’s session… It’s a doozy!