So, I saw this expressionist drawing of a very sad girl. To emphasize the darkness of her mood, the artist had drawn only half her face in detail and the rest as mess of squiggly lines and blurs. Her eye on the side that was blurry seemed cloud and she really expressed a deep sense of despondency. Of course it moved me. For some reason, I’m not sure I want to dig into, I am attracted to images and expressions of sadness. The really funny thing is that when I try to draw them and copy the sadness, I can’t. I always seem to get a smirk, a smile, a sense of knowing, confidence, or self-satisfaction in the faces. Take my Happiness series of oil paintings for example, I originally called them Walking in Hell, until a fan commented that they were so full of joy and music. I always saw that, but was trying desperately to express some sadness I was going through at the time. It seemed then and it seems now that my core is positive and joyful. One of these days I’ll pay attention to that.
For this drawing, it turned into something very different than its inspiration. I think it’s a self-portrait of my inner mood. Determined to be the eternal optimist.