“At the centre of your being, you have the answer. You know who you are, and you know, what you want.” By Rumi
What if everything I ever wanted is already inside of me, just waiting to come out, but I’ve been resisting it all this time? Well, that might be both frustrating and amazing at the same time. Frustrating, because I have been holding myself back from happiness and contentment. Frustrating because I don’t really know why or how. I think Rumi gives us the key to start to understand the answer to these questions with one key word in his quote: “being”.
Let’s restate my thought as such: “Everything I’ve ever wanted to be is already inside me.” Throughout this journey to greater understanding, I seem to always look outward first. Recently I asked my parents to describe me as a child. The answers were not what I hoped for, because I asked the wrong question to the wrong person. I need to ask myself the questions, because only how I see myself is truth. How I see myself is projected outward and then reflected back at me though everyone else. Also, I mustn’t ask who I was, because it simply isn’t who I am right now. This last thought makes me question if I should even bother to ask the question of who I am at all.
Who I was yesterday has already changed in subtle ways, because of the new experiences I’ve lived today. Also, how my mind processes things today has changed for the same reasons; my context has changed! Extrapolate this idea and you will see that who I am tomorrow will also be different from today. This is dizzying! All these years rebelling against other people categorizing me, and I have been doing the same thing during this search for who I am. I keep looking for a definition and label I can file away and build my life on. It’s impossible; I’m always changing! Welcome to my box! Time to think outside of it and let go of the search for self. Time to just be.