The Ladder of Awareness – Part 11
from our sessions on July 5, 2017 (Part 11)
HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE PREVIOUS WEEK:
After the success derived from a focus on celebrating a victory yet to come as if it were occurring now, we decided to work backward from a limiting belief to its root and shine the light of awareness on it. The goal is to shake loose the false-belief and replace it with an empowering one.
I chose my beliefs in Sales. This is what I’ve been telling myself.
“I shut down and have a blockage in regards to my perception of the process. Knocking on doors and cold calling is not my thing. However, I believe the opening of the conversation is the fun part, not the closing.”
Realization in reviewing notes: I avoid the pleasure of opening the conversation and starting the relationship out of distaste for closing a sale. I avoid the process to avoid the possible rejection.
Note: In the process, always take the last core sentiment and use it for the Ladder process. A Ladder coach aims to look for patterns and how they connect to what you say and feel.
Starting statement (e.g.): “Around sales, I shut down and have a blockage because… (always ask for 3 reasons).”
Note: I’ve presented the answer in a more concise and point form. I have also added observations and retrospectively titled each reason.
1 – The Martyr Self
Representing products I have no interest in…
* Leads me to try to please others rather than myself
* I have feelings of fear of disappointing others
* I have feelings of self-doubt.
* I look for a reason not to do succeed.
- I seek failure & excuses against progress.
Does staying where you really help you reduce fear and anxiety?
It feels worse. I love imagining beyond the present.
It feels like being squished.
This is an early childhood trigger; an external argument for not being a dreamer.
Dreams become negatively equated with imagination.
Sales require me to have to imagine beyond what currently exists.
To prove what I was taught-I am trying to prove a point that I am not good at that instead of saying up front I am not interested.
Why does part of you keep tolerating that pattern?
Uncertainty: I had given up on looking for people who share my passions.
By saying ‘no’ what would happen?
Possible disappointment & rejection.
By saying ‘no’ what does happen?
Increased understanding of my abilities and interest.
Opens room for other opportunities to present themselves.
I feel waves of relief, not a complete release. The feeling of possibility.
I feel frustration: Something a voice in me is avoiding what I want and resisting more of what I don’t want. I’m embracing the status quo.
What is fuelling this-what is the payoff?
The Pragmatic / Humble Self-exclaims: “Better the devil you know…” A chorus of ‘Booos’ erupts and I smile.
Review observation: The smile is not righteous indignation, but the awareness that there is no power in self-criticism here, it isn’t my true self-accepting The Pragmatic.
Pleasing others on things I have no interest for is a way to?
Avoid being perceived as a know-it-all.
Review observation: This is another past trigger that squished my imagination and enthusiasm for sharing what I’ve learned.
In what way is that this the same as dying?
I kill my voice, one of my strongest tools for expression. It’s a total giving in, a complete quitting. It’s not living.
Why does part of you tolerate having no voice?
It’s part of accepting people and reality as they are.
Some people do not need to be educated by me.
It is not my responsibility.
Note: We are deep in a visualization process now.
I see three pillars: They hold the structure of my knowledge & self-perception.
A – My pattern of pleasing others.
* It has felt easier to do.
* False Belief: Pleasing others is the more courageous/altruistic road to take.
* Result: It led to a pattern of not using my voice.
B – My acceptance of not using my voice.
* When I use my voice it leads to criticism and opportunity for others to call me a know-it-all or challenge my knowledge; not doing it leads to regret.
C – My excuses for not using my voice.
* I do not need to change their perceptions to be the same as mine.
* I do not have to indoctrinate everyone to my way of thinking.
* There are people who will share what I know. They will find me.
Aha Moment: When I share things I know or love, people understand and believe what I am saying. If I sell things I do not like I never get that feedback. My passion will never betray me. Pursuing and practicing passion has delivered me peak experiences.
2- The Misunderstood Self
When I feel inauthentic.
What sensations in your body do you have when you say these words?
Weakness and need: Trying to get something I don’t really need.
It feels unnatural: Trying to push somebody and cajole them, bully them to get something I don’t understand why they need.
Why would you want to come from a place of weakness or lack?
I couldn’t answer and a wave of feelings filled my gut.
I am feeling really bad about myself now.
I was small, weak and vulnerable.
What is Little Mario feeling?
Sadness, confusion, and helplessness.
Nobody understands his expressions of creativity.
Imagine you can talk to him. What would you say?
I’d say to him: keep doing all the amazing things you are doing, your audience will find you, believe in yourself, you do amazing things, the people who need to see it, will see it. Focus on those who understand you. Keep following your heart. If you have questions, ask me, I am in your heart.
Berel offers an encouraging statement: “you are in his heart and he is in yours”. I become quiet.
What is present in you right now?
A cool breeze came over me after feeling sadness.
I am forgiving myself. I forgive myself for not knowing better.
A motivating anger, an encouraging voice: “You owe it to yourself to follow your passions.”
I want a bigger Self to remind me of these things.
Aha moment: There are a lot of people already doing that for me and I have not been listening.
Right now I am feeling?
Tears, recovery, fullness, a release of energy, a release of fear. I exhale.
Breathing in feels like acceptance.
It replaces the released feelings with a feeling of confidence and it is growing.
If the confidence could talk what would it say now?
People believe you when you talk from your heart.
Small, weak and vulnerable I am The Misunderstood Self. (another personality/energy lurking inside of me.)
3 – The Inauthentic Self, The Critical Bastard, and The Martyr are the toxic brothers.
It always starts a statement with “I am trying to convince them of something I don’t believe in.”
It keeps repeating it until I do not believe in what I am talking about.
What happens at that point?
The person agrees with my belief and they don’t believe in me either.
I feel a gut reaction at of self-recrimination. The Inauthentic Self runs one with a series of I Told You So’s.
What is the payoff?
I receive pity from others that make me angry & frustrated.
Aha Moment: Pity and anger are my payoffs! I like and I crave this drug of pity because…
I have a bad feeling in my gut.
An impatient anger is saying I’m an idiot. Telling me “I told you so”.
What does the energy of the impatience need or want to say? What is the payoff of feeling like an idiot?
Judgment. I get to judge.
There’s that gut feeling again.
I do not want to criticize, or judge others.
It brings myself down, it does not elevate anyone.
Critical Bastard is another part of me.
It criticizes me and others. (The judge/critical bastard is another personality lurking inside of you)
Review realization: Judging myself and others feed a cynical view of the world, the world without hope, the world we see in popular media. It calls my optimism and hopes foolish. It feels bad in my gut because it is bad. I feel good when I’m optimistic and hopeful. So the payoff is immediate gratification. I get easy acceptance from negativity. Everyone responds to it in some fashion.
Positivity, optimism, and hope sometimes take a while to grow and require a delayed gratification.
Coming soon: We will be defining the process more closely and I will be bringing Berel through it. Then we will do it with others. The goal is to make this a teachable and even self-directed process.
Wishing you all an amazing week.
How does today’s session empower or inspire you to live a life of peak experiences?