Focus of the session…

Understanding disappointment

Question: What is your default way of being when you realize your results are not the way you want?

Answer: Disappointed & discouraged!

Question: What does that feel like?

Answer: I dive right in on new projects and feel regret at showing my enthusiasm and fear of judgment if I don’t show it. I work from a place of lack and hope the project will fill that lack.

Berel’s Observation: You are a jump on the bandwagon personality.

You seek out projects to get happy, but end up like a drug addict falling back to disappointed. This activates your cheerleader who tries to more find projects to get all excited about before you’ve had a chance to learn from the previous one.

Note: The cheerleader type throws their enthusiasm into the game before the game has a chance to begin.

Aha moment: The logical mind-voice feels like The True Me because it can look at things without emotion. When I let it speak. It is always there right in front of me. It releases me from emotional stress by reminding me that if no one else is stressed about the situation why should I be. It tells me it’s ok to have lots of other things on the table and I don’t have to be attached to every one.

Question: What are three reasons you feel disappointed?

Answer: I am disappointed because:

1-I start from a place of lack and weakness

2-I desire to prove myself

3-I ignore my instincts, I don’t listen to myself

Digging Deeper to find the bottom of the Ladder.

1 – Starting from lack:

I feel if I don’t show enthusiasm and engagement I’ll be judged as ungrateful.

Question: What is stopping you from feeling gratitude?

Answer: I’m driven by jealousy and envy because others have what I want..they have great abilities I don’t acknowledge in myself. I feel I have nothing to brag about and currently I have a hard time feeling genuinely happy for people who have what I want. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I do.  So, I’ll ask to have the notes emailed at the end of our session next week.

Question: Why are you feeling this shame?

Answer: I feel I was always told I need to be grateful for everything, but there have been so many situations that threw me into disappointment mode.

calvin misunderstood2

My dramatic story, from my emotional perspective, is filled with realizations as I rewrite the notes on what I said. I always felt different and didn’t understand the difference between the strength of uniqueness and not being accepted as I was by others.

I was put up for adoption, and picked by a loving family, who almost picked a different child, but picked me instead. I felt stigmatized for being adopted and embraced the dramatic stories of others just to be accepted and/or stop the conversation when others expressed pity & sadness about adoption. I didn’t know how to let go of their reactions when my experience was different and eventually I accepted theirs over mine.

I felt like a pariah as a young person for being Anglophone, adopted, small, often sick, having allergies, eczema and asthma.

I had hard working parents and a large age gap between myself and my much older siblings, so I didn’t feel similarities there either.

I grew up in an English neighborhood at a time when Anglophones were leaving the province, so I felt abandoned by my friends.

These contributed to feelings of worthlessness.

Worthlessness drives feelings of intense frustration and anger in me.

The anger is for feelings of unworthiness and leads back to self-recrimination, judgment, and shame. Altogether these form a knot of hurt feelings. If these are my sadness, then what do I really want?

I want to feel connected and accepted. I want to express my story about my value in the world.

Aha moment: Success is finding your value because once you do, you are then on the road to success.

images

Question: What would telling your story give you?

Answer: Telling my story will help me acknowledge my value. Telling my story reveals my value.

Note: We got off track and needed to return to the dark feelings to start The Ladder process, so we returned to a concrete example that gave those feelings.

The Bottom Rung:

Question: How do you feel when telling others you are adopted?

Answer: I feel like an outsider, misunderstood, and unaccepted. There’s a weight of helplessness pulling my shoulders down and tightening my chest. There’s a darkness that feels like discouragement.

The Second Rung:

Takes the edge off of the feeling: “I am not worth considering”.

Aha moment: They point out my difference me so they are considering me.

The Middle Rung:

Question: What is the bad news about this realization?

Answer: I will attract some negative attention.

Question: What is the good news about they are considering me?

Answer: I have a presence and an impact.

The Fourth Rung:

Takes a leap as high as you can imagine into the ideal.

Question: What is the best thing that could come from this?

Answer: My actions and my words change people.

Now we go to imagualization process, starting with imagining having a massive wooden key inscribed with the words: “My actions and my words change people.”  Use the key to open a massive pair of doors.

Question: What do you see?

Answer: Fields of Heaven. Just me, but I do not feel alone. I am witnessing the world non-judgementally and seeing my impact. I’m happy that people talk about me; I am considerable.

Question: What do you feel?

Answer: In my solar plexus there is a big, dense, energetic, magnesium ball and it’s propelling me forward. People all around are engaged in casual, happy, satisfying conversation. People spread infinitely off in both directions spread across the horizon. I am not moving through the line, but I am witnessing. I feel the attachment.

Question: As you move forward in space/time and come across another scene, what do you see?

Answer: A dense and dark forest path with bits of the sun coming through. A little bit scary and exciting at the same time. It’s not curiosity that fills my desire to enter the path; it’s the excitement of overcoming the fear the unknown.

Question: What happens next?

Answer: I’m greeted with beautiful sounds and scents. I feel no goal driving me in; just being there is blissful.

Question: As you move forward what do you see?

Answer: I walk into a field with the most beautiful golden wheat and I’m joyful at how perfect it is: Waist high, bees and birds all around, sun neither hot nor cold but nourishing.

Question: What do you feel or sense?

Answer: Very happy just to be there. I feel no urge to describe this to anybody. I am enjoying the moment. A voice whispers “You need to share this beauty with everybody” and is countered with another whisper saying: “or just enjoy it”. There’s a desire to share this beauty with others and a fear of sadness that not everyone can understand the beauty I feel.

Realization: I want to be the best describer of this beauty and share it with as many people as possible. It starts with sharing it.

Note: The return trip from imagualization allows us to describe ourselves as the idea we just encountered.

Question: Who is this man who just returned from the imagualization?

Answer: An active observer who shares knowledge and experience that changes people.

Next exercise: Imagualize your success bench marks backward. Reverse the video. Leave the celebration of the victory event and see the benchmarks of success you have achieved.

Question: What do you see?

Answer: A book is finished. I feel relief and confidence. I am happy for what I learned during the editing and I accepted the final edition. I am looking forward to opening the box with my hard copies.

Realization: These are book ends on either side: One is the process itself, the other is the reward of ‘here it is’.

Question: What happened before this? The previous benchmark.

Answer: The decision to actually write it. (dig deeper into this) I have made the decision to write it then dedicated the time and flexibility to get it done. I am writing without judgment of perfection. I am just writing my story.

Question: What was an important, necessary and valuable benchmark before this?

Answer: Letting go of fear of disappointment and expectation. Accepting possibility and limitations. I can listen and enjoy without being attached.

Question: How does this benchmark make you feel?

Answer: I feel anxiety and strength.

Question: If they could talk what would they say?

Answer: What have you got to lose? It will take work, but you can do this. Try listening without emotion or engagement. You can make mistakes and learn from them. You can practice this new habit of believing in yourself completely. I’m imagining a really nice feeling of believing in myself completely.

Question: What does it feel like?

Answer: Cool and refreshing. It gives me an energizing chill and sense of relief in my throat and chest .

Question: What would this sensation say?

Answer: Ahhh! Relief!

Question: If the relief could talk, what would it tell you?

Answer: It would whisper softly and forcefully to grab your full attention and draw you in closer then say: “Listen… it’s beautiful, just listen. It’s your peace.”

Question: Do you have any other sensations?

Answer: I can feel the energy of confidence rising from my feet, bright blue & yellow with childish joy, drawing a line of energy that emanates out and up through my head. It feels like blissful enthusiasm. 

Conclusion:

Taking the Ladder process from the pre discussion to the Three energies has started to reveal genuine core blockages. Climbing up the ladder and bringing the ideal into the now is emotionally strong, and driving back through The Benchmarks from success to inspiration of an idea attaches gratitude to every step of my process. This last step deserves more practice. It solidifies self-esteem more than any other part and reveals greater truths.

The Three energies are starting to merge into one core energy. Today the energy was originally defined as disappointment, but it is also discouragement from what was stronger voices in my personality: The Martyr, The Judge, and The Trickster. I am becoming aware that there are balancing voices to each of these, such as the Cheerleader and the greater awareness is that none of them is The True Me. The Observer feels more and more like The True Me.

Another realization: Following some of the realizations Berel shared verbally in addition to the listening of the Master Key System and completing of The Tipping Point, by Gladwell: The True Me is not the I. The “I” is the ego and probably expresses itself through The Trickster. The “I” makes emotional decisions and comments, while The True Me sees things as they are and feels joy and gratitude for them. I originally thought it felt nothing, but it does fill me with a sense of amusement. I like The True Me very much.

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