The Battle For What I Want Rages On…

I’m winning, sort Of…

As many of my dear readers know, I often feel I crumble under the perceived weight of the question of what do I really want. The good news is it’s getting easier to answer, when I break it down. The question is seldom asked in a general context. Now I remind myself that it is being asked for a specific situation and in a specific context. This compartmentalization is much less overwhelming and lessens the shutdowns I experienced in the past. Yes, I know I’m an emotional artists, and have accepted being a very sensitive person, but it doesn’t mean I’m a total flake! Wink, wink. So, what does this have to do with today’s quote?

When someone asks you what you want, do you ask yourself, or does you mind kick into a fight or flight “what the hell do they want from me know” mode? I’m aware that mine embraced this unproductive mode and now I’m aware of the feeling that comes up when I am getting into that mode. That split second of awareness has allowed me to reflect and ask myself the question. This pause has lessened the shutdown response. The pause is now growing with every re-occurance of the question being asked, both by others and by myself. I’m getting more and more clarity from each pause.

While this may seem obvious to many of you, it clearly wasn’t for me. I had an emotional block. I’m honestly not sure when I started feeling the joy this pause was giving me, but finding this quote today smacked me with a big happy wet fish in the face. Maybe I should ask the fish if he’s as happy as I am right now. Asking is the doorway to greater understanding. I’ve always preached that to other, including my much preached at and very patient daughter. Now I’m preaching to myself and finding grace in the pause I’m receiving.

If any of you are still struggling with the fearful “What do you want?” question. Gift yourself a short pause, breath, and ask yourself the question again. At first you may not have the answer, but the pause will break the anxiety cycle and gradually will allow you to answer it for yourself and anyone else you care to share it with.

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