“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.”
I really hate to admit it, but I think this may be true. I’ve walked around for years telling everyone , including myself that I don’t care what people think of me and then I torture myself to please others. So much so, that I often find myself not being able to voice what I want instead. It’s not only an inability to voice it, I literally can’t see what I want in my mind, especially when asked what I want. This is deeply frustrating and I get an intense feeling of sadness and shame at these times.
I thought I wasn’t afraid of the crowd, of what others think of me, but there are so many decisions I’ve taken in my life because I was afraid of the opinions of others. I developed a non-debate method that is basically my giving in. I find my thoughts automatically anticipating what others might think, and I get very resentful and frustrated when they don’t do the same for me, but how could they when I don’t have the idea of what I want clear in my mind?
This is another habit that needs to change and can change, step by step.
The first step will be hard for me and I must do it. The first step is to breath in these moments, to stop and ask& answer myself what I do want, instead of focusing on what I don’t want. The second step is allowing myself to not worry about telling anyone else what I want instead. Until things are clear in my own heart and mind, I have no obligation to answering to anyone else.